In his off-campus apartment kitchen, UNC-Chapel Hill sophomore Tate Mannell adds butter in a pan. He lets it melt and sizzle before adding in country-style beef ribs. For this former lacrosse player, the primary focus of every meal is protein. He pairs the beef with a cup of rice and some Japanese barbecue sauce, one of his go-to dinners to make. Mannell started cooking for himself when he was 14, the same age he started obsessing over his body size.
Unlike with anorexia, Mannell wanted to get bigger rather than smaller. As with many teenage boys, that goal came from sports. Getting hit by players older and bigger on the field, as well as jokes from teammates, fueled his negative body image.
“It’s your friends, so it’s kind of funny. But it still subconsciously ate at me,” Mannell said. “Like I’d be in the gym or eating not wanting to finish a meal and I’ll just think of, like, ‘Oh they called you twig, they called you skinny, they called you small. Oh, I’m gonna show them.’”
When it comes to concerns about eating disorders and body image, boys and men are often overlooked. However, some struggle with an obsession over gaining muscle and bulking up. Research shows that nearly a third of teen boys in the U.S. report trying to gain weight and about a quarter report taking supplements or steroids, or eating more food.
Mannell started eating as much as possible and taking creatine workout supplements. The now 20-year-old recalls gaining 40 pounds in just two months, but it wasn’t sustainable. Mannell said he ate until he felt like throwing up every meal, and after that feeling went away, he would do it all over again. At his peak during junior year of high school he was working out two to four hours every single day, often weightlifting in addition to lacrosse.
Muscle dysmorphia, also known as bigorexia, is a form of body dysmorphic disorder. Individuals continually feel like they aren’t muscular enough, regardless of how they look.
While he’s never been diagnosed with body dysmorphic disorder, Mannell said he felt like 150 pounds even though he weighed 210.
“It never affected my life, though. I never was depressed because of my body image. It was just like ‘dang! I need to lock in, or I need to do this,’” Mannell said. “It’s hard to say no because I definitely was like ‘oh I’m small, I hate myself’ in high school.”
Although those with eating disorders are largely stereotyped as women, a 2019 U.S. study shows that about a third are men. But that bias makes them less likely to seek treatment and be diagnosed. Chantal Gil, the clinical director of the Duke Center for Eating Disorders, said individuals don’t need to be diagnosed before seeking out help and treatment.
“We don’t want to place you in a box and we don’t want to create a barrier by saying you need this label to get it because I think some people think they’re not sick enough,” she said. “If it’s distressing, we want to help you.”
Gil also said those with an eating disorder or body dysmorphic disorder can seem healthy, despite havoc in their minds and bodies.
Zach Harding, a bodybuilder and personal trainer at Gold’s Gym Chapel Hill, developed the eating disorder anorexia when he was 18 years old. His weight got as low as 100 pounds before he discovered weightlifting. He started eating more and returned to a normal weight, but said it was still all with the aim of improving his appearance.
“I was in quote, unquote good health,” Harding said. “But mentally, I was still in that same spot of it was all about how I looked.”
Although exercise is a common compulsive behavior in those with bigorexia, Gil still encourages it for her patients because she said it’s all about intention.
“If you’re going to the gym because it makes you feel good and body movement makes you feel good and you really enjoy yoga, you enjoy running, you enjoy weightlifting: amazing. We want that for you,” she said. “Now, it gets blurry when people start to think, ‘I want to change my body and I want to do it in a certain way.’ And then it can become really unhealthy when it becomes obsessive.”
When he works with clients, Harding makes sure to focus on how their body feels and performs rather than how it looks — a lesson he had to learn himself.
Bodybuilding trophies sprawl across Harding’s desk. Although he hasn’t stopped weightlifting and he still has had some bad days over the past two years, he says he’s been at his best mentally.
“The gym is great, but not everything relies on this. How are your relationships with yourself, with other people around you, with your family, friends, any loved ones that you have that you care about?” Harding said. “‘Cause very quickly, fitness can be obsessive. And then your relationships start to fall apart too.”
One of the signs someone is struggling with body dysmorphic disorder or an eating disorder is isolating themselves.
Wehazit Mussie, a UNC-CH senior and representative for a university organization dedicated to body liberation and dismantling diet culture, said Embody Carolina aims to fight that isolation with community.
“If they are suffering from that or disordered eating, just coming together and being in this space where there’s other people who do care about similar issues and you see that there’s other people struggling with it, really does make you feel less alone,” Mussie said.
Embody Carolina hopes to spread eating disorder education across campus. Gil said the stressful transition to college creates higher risk for an eating disorder. But for Mannell, coming to UNC-CH and leaving lacrosse behind helped ease his obsession.
He said that in high school, being athletic made him cool, but people at UNC-CH care more about being nice and funny which helped him focus less on his body image. At this point, Mannell said he’s accepted what he looks like. He still struggles to take rest days from the gym, watches his food, and takes creatine pre-workout supplements, but he’s far removed from just a few years ago.
“l’ll do probably a half scoop of pre-workout. In high school, it was like, oh dude, double scoop, 600 milligrams of caffeine,” Mannell said. “But, you know, I like my heart. I don’t want to have a young death, so I’ve cut it back a bit. There’s no need for that.”
