Story by: Molly Horak
ASHEVILLE, North Carolina — It’s been a month since Pam Fitch Moser last visited the apartment building where her 89-year-old mother lives. Around the same time, Sharon Bowman said goodbye to her father in the hospital and authorized his transfer to Aston Park Health Care Center here. Days later, Jan Williams Ritter’s mom broke her hip and was sent to the hospital, without her daughter by her side.
Three families. Three very different situations. Three elderly parents, all living in nursing homes or long-term care facilities.
These facilities — where at-risk residents live in close proximity, staff cycle in and out, and personal protective equipment is running low — are especially vulnerable to outbreaks of the novel coronavirus.
Nationally, at least 6,900 coronavirus deaths have been linked to nursing homes and assisted living facilities. In North Carolina, the Department of Health and Human Services reports 851 cases of COVID-19 in nursing homes and 47 deaths as of April 19.
As the virus tears across the country and upends daily routines, these three families share a single concern: Will they ever see their loved ones again?
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James Duncan’s health has been declining for years. In 2015, he was diagnosed with dementia, and his condition kept getting worse. He was forgetting names, wandering around. Forgetting who his family members were.
His daughter, Sharon Bowman, was at work in Marion in early March when she got a call from her sister. Their dad had swallowed a battery, and it was lodged in his esophagus. It wasn’t looking good.
She rushed to meet her family at Mission Hospital McDowell. Luckily, doctors were able to safely remove the battery. But the decision was made: his dementia was so bad that even under their careful watch, he did something that could have killed him. It was time to move him to a long-term care facility.
It’s never an easy decision to make. But deciding where to move a family member during a pandemic? A completely different experience.
By the time Bowman and her family had narrowed down their options, coronavirus had made its way to Buncombe County. Nursing homes and assisted living facilities were on lockdown. Aside from staff, no one was allowed to go in.
They decided on Aston Park Health Care Center, largely from word-of-mouth recommendations. Bowman drove the 40-minutes from her home to the facility, and spoke with an admissions coordinator. Her dad was transferred to Aston Park on March 17.
Bowman still hasn’t been inside.
“For the past four years, I’ve had control of everything that goes on. I’m the one that takes care of everything and my brother does a lot to help out,” Bowman said. “And then when my dad finally goes somewhere, he goes somewhere that I know is going to take care of him, but I’ve lost my control of everything. It’s hard. It’s hard to say ‘here’s my loved one, he’s yours now to take care of.’”
It eases her fears to know that her dad is receiving the care that he needs. Every time a medicine is changed, or a consult is done, Aston Park staff members call Bowman to let her know what’s going on. Activities staff coordinate FaceTime appointments or window visits for residents so they can see their family members while talking through a phone. The facility allowed relatives to drop off care packages, which — after being sanitized — were distributed to residents.
There are days when Bowman feels numb. Work is a good distraction, she said, but some days she just falls apart.
“The worst part is thinking that they’re going to die,” Bowman said. “You’re not going to be able to see, you know, something might happen and you’re not going to be able to go there. I don’t want my dad to feel alone. I don’t want him to be scared and want to see a familiar face. And I can’t be there.”
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A few miles across Asheville lies Givens Estates, a sprawling complex of independent-living homes and apartments, in-home care, assisted living and skilled nursing services. Pam Fitch Moser’s mother, Lois, lives by herself in a fourth-floor apartment.
Before COVID-19, Fitch Moser visited with her mom weekly and talked with her daily. But aside from driving her to a doctor’s appointment a few weeks ago, she hasn’t set foot in her mom’s building.
Because Fitch Moser’s mom lives in independent living, she’s afforded more independence than others. She can still drive, though she doesn’t do that often. If she wanted, she could go to the grocery store — and the facility has offered grocery services to all residents if they don’t feel safe going to a store themselves.
“We’ve been trying to make the most of it,” Fitch Moser said. “I’m sure there are some family members who are desperate to get in and are more frustrated, but our perspective is that we’re just trying to respect what’s going on right now.”
Fitch Moser knows she’s doing the right thing, and fortunately, her mom is in good health. But the lingering doubts still creep in.
“What’s so scary about this is that so many people seem to be asymptomatic and yet are testing positive if they can get a test,” Fitch Moser said. “So how am I supposed to know? I’m feeling great, but it would just kill me if I knew I was ultimately the one that carried something in there and started it.”
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Jan Williams Ritter, a resident of Bakersville, last saw her mother, Anna Williams, in early March, right before Gov. Roy Cooper recommended limiting visitors to nursing homes and assisted living facilities. It’s been a blur ever since.
Williams Ritter’s 92-year-old mother is a resident at the Givens Estate skilled nursing center. On March 21, she fell out of her wheelchair. The next day, she was brought to the hospital and diagnosed with a broken hip — the same day that the first case of COVID-19 was reported at Mission Hospital in Asheville.
Williams Ritter wasn’t allowed into the hospital to see her mother. Instead, she was constantly on the phone with hospital staff, orthopedic surgeons and Hospice workers trying to decide the next steps. Because the coronavirus had reached the hospital, Williams Ritter was scared her mom would not be allowed to return to Givens Estates.
Eventually, they made the call to bring Williams back to the skilled nursing facility. She spends her days in a reclining wheelchair, Williams Ritter said, and nurses and Hospice workers call to give her updates several times a day.
The transition from seeing her mom in person multiple times a week to getting updates from staff has been difficult, Williams Ritter said. They’ve tried phone calls, but her mother is not very verbal and can only talk for a few minutes at a time.
She’s confident her mom is being well-cared for, but she feels for the residents who are now even more isolated than before. They can’t eat meals in the common dining room. Social hour for residents has been stopped, as have weekly religious and music services.
“When you see what other nursing homes are going through and how horrible it must be for them and the residents there, all these precautions seem to be necessary,” Williams Ritter said. “I’m just sad, because I know they’re in a sadder place.”
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No one knows when the nursing homes, assisted living or long-term care facilities will reopen to the public. With no timeline in place to see their loved ones again, families are adjusting to the new realities of virtual visits and phone call check-ins.
Williams Ritter wants it to all be over, but she understands the realities of the situation.
“When you have a parent in their 90s, that means you’re at least over 60,” Williams Ritter said. “And so at my age of 67, I’m a high risk person too, so it’s not so easy for me to just throw caution to the wind and drive to Asheville to try and see her.”
As of April 19, Buncombe County had 46 confirmed coronavirus cases and three deaths. As she waits until she can finally see her father again, Bowman feels reassured that health officials and facility administrators are making the safety of their residents their biggest priority.
“I’m confident they’re going to keep their patients safe and if it means outlasting the community or other hospitals opening, they’ll do that,” Bowman said. “I think they’ll go above and beyond. It doesn’t make it any easier for us, but we know this is going to be the way it is.”
