“Because of you, I’m fighting again.” A Wilmington survivor has inspired others for a second chance in life

Story by Jacquelyn Melinek

Photos by Alice Hudson

In 2014, Tammy Tilghman completed her 13th brain surgery. Her brain throbbed as thick bloody patches of gauze covered her skull. The soft beeps from monitors filled the quiet room. No one was talking until her doctors walked in.

The industrial door slammed shut behind them and they began to speak.

They told her they did all that they could but it was the end of her life, and this time she was going to see “the light.”

She softly clenched her hands onto the hospital bed and shook her head.

“I would not say I was dying, I refused,” Tilghman said later. “I told the doctors they were not God and only he could make that decision.”

But as her family said their goodbyes, she thought about what she would have done differently if she had another day, month or year to live.

While some people would have thousands of things they wish they had done differently, Tilghman only had one.

“I wish that I had done something in honor of my dad,” she said.

Her father committed suicide in 2010, which was the beginning of a line of tragedies for Tilghman because six months later, her husband was murdered and under three years later, she was diagnosed and treated for Chiari malformation.

As she refused to let herself fade away at the Cleveland Clinic in Weston, Florida, she prayed to God for one more chance at life.

After a year-long fight with her own body, her prayers were answered. Tilghman walked out of the hospital ready to take on life again.

Today, she is typing away on her black and white keyboard at her office in Wilmington, North Carolina. Her body has visible and hidden tattoos that share her story.

On the back of her neck, hidden under a few inches of dirty blonde hair, is a visible black and pink butterfly, lying beneath her scar.

Her forearms model memorial tattoos, honoring her father and husband. A quote for survival hides on her right shoulder, “Behind her smile, there are stories you may never understand.”

Tilghman lifts the sleeves of her shirt to expose two special tattoos that memorialize her father (left) and husband (right) who passed away within six months of one another.

Although she isn’t in a hospital bed anymore, she still suffers from Chiari malformation, a condition that causes the brain tissue to push into the space occupied by the spinal cord. She has doctors appointments and follow-ups for the rest of her life, an internal machine monitoring her heart and continuous headaches, dizziness and fatigue.

The scar runs up her head providing a reminder that the back of her head is fragile, the lower back part of her skull was removed. She is limited in the activities she can do now but to her, this all beats the alternative of being dead.

Tilghman is the co-owner of Brewster Bail Bonding and owner of Magnolia Social Cafe and plans to open six more businesses while she’s alive.   

She works alongside Kiara Brewster, co-owner of Brewster Bail Bonding, and oversees all operations in the company.

“Not only do we make a living off this but we are also trying to create change, too,” Brewster said. “We feel responsible and obligated to help people in our community and help them realize this could be just a moment in time, depending on the situation.”

Tilghman works happily at her desk surrounded by signs of her faith and accomplishments.

Both Tilghman and Brewster remind clients to make better decisions with life, as they believe everything comes with a consequence, their clients should lift their heads up and take responsibility to make changes in their lives.

While Tilghman helps manage hundreds of criminal cases across North Carolina, she also found time to honor her father.

When Tilghman was a little girl, her father would sneak his roasted coffee to her when her mother wasn’t looking. Through their secret, personal bond, Tilghman became an avid coffee drinker.

If she survived, she promised to open a coffee shop that would allow others to produce the same memories as she did with her father.

Tilghman’s shop is decorated with signs and momentos that commemorate her father and faith. This photo of her father sits at the front of the store next to the cash register for all of her customers to see.

Within two years of leaving the hospital, Tilghman opened the Magnolia Social Cafe in Wilmington, North Carolina. The cafe overlooks Cape Fear River and is surrounded by blooming magnolias, her father’s favorite tree.

“I think it’s wonderful where the cafe stands because it’s an area where my father would go fishing and visit often,” Wendy Tilghman Andrade, Tilghman’s sister, said. “We grew up a few yards down the road, and he would just go down this winding road to the river bank and fish.”

The store features light teal shiplap and open white walls, hand-written menus on chalkboards and a photo of her father as a child, right next to the front counter for everyone to see.

Since opening, the shop has brewed more than 30,000 cups of coffee and served more than 12,500 people. Potentially helping their customers create more than 30,000 memories like hers and her father’s.

The family-owned business is supported by her son, Herbert “Herb” Williams IV and her sister, Andrade.

Williams is a junior at UNC-Charlotte, and he comes home some weekends and the summer to work at the cafe.

“I can’t not help my mom,” Williams said. “After seeing her build this place up from the day she left her death bed, she has motivated me so much and helped me become a better person.”

As he crumbled a napkin in his hands, his eyes concentrate on the register where the photo of his grandfather sits.

“I grew up before my time,” Williams whispered as he nodded his head. “But all of these challenges have helped me become the man I am today. I’m more mature, so I don’t take things for granted because I know the lows in the world, I’ve been there.”

The cafe is covered in inspirational signs that are personal to Tilghman because it’s not just a business for her family, it’s a place to hold her dad’s legacy.

In the middle of the cafe under a spotlight is a sign: “Life is the greatest adventure.” A saying Tilghman believes in.

“No matter if life is good or bad it’s truly the greatest experience,” Tilghman said as she clasped her hands and adjusted her ‘Have Faith’ cross on her desk. “We think we have life planned but it’s not going to go as planned and it will still be amazing. It will absolutely be amazing.”

As she battled with Chiari malformation, faith guided the way.

“Just remember to embrace every day,” she said. “Remember when you wake up and feel bad, you have a choice to keep moving. I refuse to focus on what’s wrong, I focus on what’s right.”

Andrade said the family grew up on prayer and Tilghman has relied heavily on her faith to survive. Williams believes without God, she wouldn’t be here today.

“Even though the struggles held her down for a short period of time, she realized that life is unfair and sometimes you get dealt a hand that is really hard,” Andrade said. “But what you do with that struggle speaks volumes.”

Even though Chiari malformation is a lifelong disease, Tilghman moves forward.

She helps other people by showing them that their diagnosis, addictions or challenges are things that can build them up as a person, not break them down.

As a bail bondsman, business owner and inspirational woman, Tilghman has helped people change their lives. From a Wilmington kingpin drug dealer that was a client of hers to Facebook friends who battled addictions with heroin. They spoke to her, she listened and she helped.

“Because of you, I’m fighting again,” one person said to her. Another used their street skills to go back to college and create a business legally.

She has helped hundreds of people turn their lives around, not because she had to but because she wanted to.

“Tammy has been through a lot and the fact that she’s been able to give sound advice to other people is special,” Brewster said. “She’s like a second mother to me. Our relationship goes beyond the business because she always keeps me motivated. It is really special.”

Many people that have come into her cafe, who were fighting their own little battles, would start talking to Tilghman because they see the signs on the walls.

The signs prompt questions and have helped customers feel better because sometimes all someone needs is a sign, a message to help them through the day, Tilghman said.

Magnolia Social Cafe provides that.

“She inspires people because she lives the stigma, but she rises above it,” Andrade said with tears in her eyes. “Even though she’s my baby sister, she’s my hero. I really believe she is a lot of people’s hero, too.”

Jacquelyn Melinek

Jacquelyn, a senior from Bedford, New York, is a reporting major with a minor in creative writing. Currently, she writes for GrepBeat, where she reports on business and tech-based news in the Triangle. Jacquelyn also works for NC Business News Wire, where she reports on companies in the state. This past summer, she wrote for Luxury Travel Magazine in Sydney, where she focused on business and travel writing. After graduation, Jacquelyn hopes to enter business and tech journalism.

2 Comments
  1. Very excellent coverage Jackie. Will seek out this coffe shop in Wilmington. It’s great to read reporting that is inspirational. Good work. Love MomV

  2. Jacqui you greatest, I’m so proud of you
    another amazing story,❤️ Grandma